Loneliness is a significant factor in mental health challenges and, in the worst-case scenarios, can contribute to severe mental health issues. I’ve faced loneliness in my life—even when surrounded by people—and today, I want to share some guidance on working through loneliness if it’s something you’re struggling with.
Having lots of people around doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t feel lonely. There’s a saying: You could be in a stadium filled with thousands of people and still feel lonely. I’ve experienced this firsthand—engaging in conversations at social or networking events yet feeling incredibly lonely inside.
For me, loneliness stems from a lack of emotional connection. As I mentioned in my previous blog on leadership, that connection starts with yourself. If I don’t have an emotional connection with myself, my feelings of loneliness increase. On the flip side, some of my most blissful moments have been during solitary walks or time spent alone. In those moments, I didn’t feel lonely at all because I had done significant work on connecting with myself.
Here are my tips for working through loneliness as a man:
1. Find Time to Connect with Yourself Daily
I call this the “emotional workout.” Just as physical workouts keep us physically healthy, emotional workouts are crucial for maintaining emotional health. My current routine begins with writing down what I love about myself and what I’m grateful for. This is followed by breath work and meditation to connect with myself and observe any emotions without judgment. I wrap up with a powerful incantation—a more intense and impactful form of affirmation. Throughout the day, I also make it a point to regularly check in with how I’m feeling.
2. Know What You Truly Want
It’s vital to distinguish what you truly want from what others say you should want. If you feel energetically out of place somewhere, listen to your intuition. Explore new activities that interest you. In the UK, for example, there are many friendly personal growth groups, hobby clubs, and sports teams that offer opportunities to connect with like-minded people.
3. Start Small with Social Skills
Developing social skills is essential for building connections. If I neglect practicing these skills regularly, my social connections suffer. Start small—say “good morning” to a stranger, smile at someone, or check in with a friend. Small, consistent steps can help build your confidence and ease social interactions.
4. Focus on Self-Love and Self-Esteem
At the root of it all is self-love and self-esteem. If these are lacking, the quality of your connections with others is unlikely to be strong. Dedicate time each day to nurturing these qualities through an emotional workout. You have the power to connect with yourself, and from that foundation, you can build meaningful connections with others by taking small, consistent steps.
These blogs are my own personal experience on mental health and personal development and should not be treated as professional advice. Please consult a professional where needed.
Jonny Pardoe,
Breath Work Practitioner,
Men’s Mental Health Advocate, Speaker, Writer and Top 1% Podcast Host
Founder of The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd
