Ever felt under pressure? I sure have, as a man. In today’s blog, I want to touch on societal expectations and how I’ve personally found them to be quite damaging. I’ll also share what I’ve done to work through it.
I sit here as a 33-year-old guy—very soon to be 34 (which I still consider to be young). I have a good career, a strong sense of purpose, a lot of creative pursuits, strong health, a great network, lots of friends, and a wonderful family. Yet, there was a part of me that felt a little guilt in the past because I’m not engaged or married.
I haven’t faced any direct pressure from family or friends, but societal messaging about what people “should” do still gets to you. Things like: People are meant to get married in their twenties or thirties, have kids, etc. While I know plenty of people in their forties and beyond living very fulfilled lives, it’s something that impacted me for a while.
In fact, I’ve actually never been in a long-term loving relationship, despite having a wonderful life, many qualities I admire in myself, and attracting lots of friends and opportunities into my life. I just haven’t met the right girl yet, and that’s totally fine. I used to think I was so against societal expectations years ago, but I still felt a degree of shame. Over time, I’ve learned to truly listen to what I want and feel proud of the standards I’ve held—not just accepting anyone or anything.
For me, the biggest influence of societal expectations has been through my peer group. Even if the peer group is made up of good people, everyone has their own beliefs and views, and if you spend enough time around them, you’ll start to adopt those beliefs too. That’s why I’ve found it really important to take these steps:
- Ask myself: What do I want?
- Find support. This often means seeking out mentors, coaches, groups, or men’s groups.
- Cut out the rubbish that doesn’t align with what I want, whether that’s unhelpful information, gossip, or negativity.
- Constantly reconnect with what I want.
Societal expectations can be damaging, and I appreciate that everyone’s circumstances are different. For anyone feeling challenged by these pressures, I’d invite you to ask yourself the questions above. After all, I’ve learned that I can’t have good quality relationships with others if I don’t first have one with myself.
These blogs are my own personal experience on mental health and personal development and should not be treated as professional advice. Please consult a professional where needed.
Jonny Pardoe,
Breath Work Practitioner,
Men’s Mental Health Advocate, Speaker, Writer and Top 1% Podcast Host
Founder of The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd
