Have you come across the concept of using gratitude in your personal growth journey or improving your mental health? Possibly yes? Possibly no? It’s a term and topic discussed I came across a lot in my personal growth and mental health journey. Today I share how it’s worked for me with you.
I used to get fed up of hearing the same thing, time and time again ‘just be grateful’ and ‘it’s all about gratitude’……. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO THOUGH? As a very systematic and process driven mind (yet creative) I’m the type of person who likes specifics. Over time I found myself understanding the concept on more than an intellectual level of understanding (the first level of understanding where you get the concept yet probably don’t feel it or live it). I have started to understand it on more of an emotional level, where it’s been living in me.
Gratitude now admittedly is something I am continually working on and I feel it a lot more than I used to! I will share my practises shortly including something called a ‘contrast frame’ I learned from one of my teacher’s Peter Sage. I can now feel gratitude for getting a free cake in a coffee shop or someone helping me out and it’s beautiful to experience those things to help default my emotions to a higher level.
One thing I’ve learned from years of personal growth and tens of thousands on, is that our brains are always focusing on something. Where we put that focus ultimately shapes where we live emotionally more often than not, in particular Tony Robbins taught me a lot around this. If you ask your brain a question… it will find the answer. It may not know THE answer there and then, yet it will direct you to it I’ve found. The probably for me in the past and many people I’ve found is we ask questions that can only give us negative answers
‘What’s going to go wrong today?’
‘Why am I such a failure?’
‘What can I worry about now?’
These are probably questions consciously you wouldn’t choose to ask, yet as humans we are programmed to think certain ways from experiences and the survival instinct.
Gratitude for me has given me the ability to ask questions that can only be answered with positive answers and feel good.
‘What can I appreciate about life right now?’
‘How can I be grateful for myself today?’
‘What do I love about x person?’
Now ask yourself this question, have you been asking yourself powerful questions that will bring about feelings of gratitude or not? If not! Let’s look at changing this, as thinking the same way will bring the same feelings and results.
Don’t worry I’ve been totally guilty too of asking the wrong questions.
So here is my guidance on gratitude:
- Write down three things twice a day specific you can be grateful for and keep a journal log of them. Don’t be too general although that’s fine time to time e.g I am grateful to be alive (and writing that all the time) – make it specific like when someone smiled at you, you went for a walk, the weather etc. As one of my mentors says ‘as you write you invite’ you are rewiring your brain to look a certain way. I then read the whole log daily too.
- Contrast frames for gratitude – this is a concept from one of my teachers I mentioned, Peter Sage. The idea here is that although you might find something challenging, look at the up side. It’s not saying you should accept and stay with the tricky situation rather being grateful you haven’t had worse. This concept may not work at harder times, I’ve found after experiencing something very traumatic, yet for less intense times it’s powerful.
For example I had an accident at the weekend and I hurt my knee and wasn’t able to play football or run this week. I am very grateful I did not break my leg.
I’ve been worried about hitting 30 when I did and no longer in my twenties, I’m 33 now and man I am so grateful I get to live right now in my 30s. When I’m on my deathbed later in life I’d do anything to be in my thirties (and I am right now).
Think of your own too.
- How can you be grateful for challenges? For example I had quite an unpleasant experience with a girl last year in the area of dating / relationships and I hurt a lot. I was super grateful for how it sparked me into even more growth, finding men’s groups and becoming even stronger as a man for when I meet my dream girl. I also had a lot of job rejections when younger which hurt – this developed really strong communication skills and hard work that developed me into the positions I am now in sales management and project management consultancy.
What are you going to take away today? How can you start incorporating gratitude and maybe even contrast frames into your life?
If you’re reading this I’d love to hear from you.
Thank you for reading, and remember to lead with your heart and not with fear.
By Jonny Pardoe,
©The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd
