In an overly competitive world, it’s easy for us to look at one another and feel envious. I like anyone else can feel these feelings of jealousy. For example, just this morning I was doing some networking on social media, when I saw loads of people had been up running. I started to feel a bit disappointed in myself, despite the fact I am going later. Comparing ourselves to others is one thing, whereas jealousy is another level to this. So today I am exploring why we feel jealous, the benefits of being positive to others instead and some guidance for overcoming jealousy.
The reason we feel jealous of others
This is because we feel some kind of insecurity about ourselves. There is something we don’t like about our life and when we see someone else who has it we naturally want it. The brain as I said before is trained to look for the negatives as a survival mechanism so when it sees someone else with something it makes us feel negative.
Feeling jealousy is something I felt a lot of as a teenager and in my earlier twenties. I saw other guys around me I perceived as more attractive or more charismatic. It annoyed and frustrated me as I didn’t like myself much.
It’s normal from time to time for people to feel jealous but if we consistently feel jealous it’s usually down to low self esteem and low self worth. We feel there is something missing in us. The problem is jealousy can cause not only self destruction but destruction in our other relationships, if we let it get on top of us.
An alternative approach to jealousy
So an alternative approach to jealousy is to be happy for others and ourselves. Wishing someone the best and being kind can work wonders. This formation of positive energy is so effective. In turn this can trigger positivity across people’s lives. Telling someone the great about them can make more of an impact on them than you think. Think about it, when someone has said something nice to you, how did you feel? Probably pretty good.
Ok so how do I stop being jealous and become more positive… let’s explore this now.
Understand your source of jealousy
There is an insecurity or reason for the jealousy, instead of staying stuck in a bad state explore this further. People are often uncomfortable to do this but to get better we have to work through the bad. I’ve personally found it tough working through limiting beliefs but when I understood them and was able to work through them I felt a lot better.
Get out a piece of paper and journal. Ask why you are feeling jealous, it may take you several levels deep into yourself. Then think about what you can do to work through it. For example if the belief is ‘I am not enough’ what can you do to start to believe you are, self care, affirmations, more praise to yourself? It will be specific to you, but put in the work to understand the source and work through it.
Say one nice thing to someone
Complimenting or wishing someone well can work wonders. It produces positive energy, even if you are in a bad mood. When we start to try things which produce positive energy, we start to feel positivity instead of the negativity around jealousy.
Aim to just say one nice thing a day to someone, whether that is congratulating them or a general compliment. Make it a habit.
Gratitude
It’s not possible to feel jealous or negative when we are in a state of gratitude. Gratitude is something challenging to master but with time you will really start to feel it. Start small by listing a few things down on paper each day that you appreciate or meditate on them. When we start to feel good about our lives we stop focusing on what we don’t have.
Conclusion
Jealousy is a very common feeling to have, but when we have very low self esteem or low self worth then it can become more common. It’s important both for you and others to look at producing positive energy by being grateful and happy for others. This starts with understanding the source of jealousy within yourself and working through it.
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Jonny Pardoe © June 2020
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