We live in a difficult period of life with the pandemic and coronavirus affecting so many lives. It’s no surprise that this causes anxiety, stress, and feelings of sadness around the world. Were these feelings before the coronavirus though… yes, yes they were. People were unhappy with their lives. Mental health struggles were still present. So why is this? Why are there so many struggles to be happy? Today I’m going to highlight why you or someone close to you may be unhappy and then take some actions to become happier.
My story
Like any human, I’ve had my ups and downs in life. Sometimes I’ve felt great and sometimes not so great. I’ve been fortunate never to experience extreme levels of depression. Still, I have had some low points, feelings of not being in control of my life, and not liking myself. I got to a point in 2019 where it hit a severe low that I made it a MUST to turn around to fall in love with myself and life. Even writing that sentence gives me chills of excitement. I still get downs in life, but with self-awareness, I can bring myself to feeling good again.
So why are you unhappy
Of course, there can be millions of reasons why an individual is happy. Still, from my experience, learning from people like Tony Robbins, hearing others, and continual research, I think there are some essential points.
- You don’t know how to be happy
We can get into an endless loop of habits and actions that don’t help us. We know these aren’t helping, but we don’t know what else to do. Therefore it is our job to keep trying until we find actions and habits that do serve us.
2.You don’t know what you want
‘It’s ok not to know what you want, but it’s not ok not to look for it’ a great quote by Rob Dial. Have you been in that soul-sucking job or miserable thing that gives you no pleasure at all? Well, it’s likely to make you unhappy, but when we are doing what we love (like me writing this, for example) we feel better about ourselves and lives. The problem is that not everyone knows what they want to do in life.
3.You don’t focus your energy in the right place
Have you been exhausted from trying to help someone else too much? Maybe from watching or listening to the news all day? Perhaps even spending too much time on a piece of work that you don’t enjoy?
Well, where our energy goes is what comes back. We need to be smart with spending energy. The problem is like my first point we get into destructive habits of wasting energy, being on autopilot mode, and not consciously making the changes we need.
So how can I change these Jonny?
Let’s explore…
Morning routine / routine in general
I could go on about routine all day long… because it’s soooooo important. ‘We are what we repeatedly do; excellence is not an act but a habit’, as Aristotle said.
If you don’t consciously change the habits that are making you unhappy, then nothing will change. Start with morning routine; this is how you start the day. This will be different for everyone. Some people may meditate for 1 hour, but others (like me) meditate for 10 minutes and have a 1.5-2 hour workout. Some may like to journal, and others may like a good walk. What makes you feel good and is useful is specific to you. Whatever you do, though, make sure your routines make you feel good; they may take a bit of work, but aren’t they worth it to feel good?
I have a morning, lunchtime, and bedtime routine. That’s crazy Jonny… But so does everyone else! Even if it’s just watching TV while scrolling on your phone. It’s just I’m trying to be aware of what I am doing, so I write them down and consciously make sure they are designed to make me feel happy and give me energy.
So start designing your routines to make you feel good… even if that requires you to get out of bed 15-30 minutes earlier.
Set back plan
Even though we can build routines, habits, and actions to make us feel better, life will inevitably always throw challenges back at us. Having good habits in our lives will likely create a default state of positivity, but not 100% of the time… nobody is happy 100% of the time.
Have a setback plan where you take it with you all the time can help you change the state. Don’t expect to be instantly happy, but create something that shifts your mood.
Mine, for example is:
Sit in silence and reflect
Write it down
Dancing with a smile
Don’t make it overly complicated; make it simple. When we are in a bad state, it will be tough to follow if it’s complicated. It can be a 5-minute thing.
Network of people
If you hang around all miserable people, guess what? You will probably be sad too. We suck up the vibe from others around us. I’ve had this work the other way also. When I was low at work, people with high energy and positivity came to talk to me, and I felt a lot better.
Consciously look at who you are hanging out with, and if they are bringing you down, then change it. Of course, it may be harder with close family and friends to throw them out of your life. In those cases, it’s best to communicate with them or spend as minimal time with them as possible. You can’t control other people, but you can control how you spend your time and who with.
What information you are consuming
Suppose you are listening to songs with negative words, listening to the news with negative messages, or watching negative soap operas. In that case, you are consuming all that information. I’m not saying ‘don’t ever watch soaps or the news again’, but pay attention to what you are regularly consuming that will significantly impact your state. I listen to Tony Robbins, Gabby Bernstein, Jay Shetty, and many more people like that. I’m continually picking up great information and energy off those people. So think about the information you are consuming.
Really focus on what you want in life – get a coach
Having coaches and mentors in my life has made a massive difference. They have helped me gain so much clarity on my life about what I’ve wanted. I suggest if you are stuck for what you want to do with life getting a coach, they have experience helping you get where you want.
You might think ‘that’s expensive’ yes some coaches are but think about what else you spend your money on… clothes, takeaways or boozy nights out. It’s ok to enjoy those things, but what’s better? Investing in yourself to find what you want in life? Or buying more items to give you a temporary good feeling?
If you really can’t afford a coach, you can always brainstorm with these questions:
What are you good at? What do you love? What could you do to help the world from that?
Summary
Unhappiness levels are on the up; it can be down to the negative energy or information we take in. There sadly is a lot of this around. Being unhappy can be caused by a lack of clarity in your life and how you spend your life.
The good news is we have a choice and can change it when we take responsibility to change our habits and actions.
These include altering the routine, having a setback in place in case of struggles, consciously reviewing the information and people you listen to. Having a coach to help you understand what you want in life is a necessity too.
Make sure to put the effort in though, or else nothing will change.
The video can be found HERE
The podcast can be found HERE
Jonny Pardoe © August 2020
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